She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize