We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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