Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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