Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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