After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
