her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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