I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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