there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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