i permit you to call me
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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