He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
