so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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