God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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