I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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