oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I want is dick and wine.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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