Already got asked if we're dating
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
