I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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