im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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