ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
