the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
