I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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