hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
