sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
