so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
