I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
