Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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