Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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