never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
