Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
