I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
