ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
