nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
