Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
