M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
