all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
