i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
