just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
