The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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