turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
