Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
