I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
