the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
