And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
