hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize