need another drink. this is the easiest way
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
