Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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