First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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