they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
