That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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