I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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