we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
