Welp...herpes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
