No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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