Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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