people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
