I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
