A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
