dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
