Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
