why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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