so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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