moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
