I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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