do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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