I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
