If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
