So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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