White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
