True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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