Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
where are my eyebrows?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
