how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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