you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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